Aili Update: Month Four

Hey all,

Wow this month has been a whirlwind. I am back at work full time and as I said in the 3 month blog, we were so so SO lucky to have my mom with us for the whole month of June. It really helped make the transition back to work easier. The first week of July she started daycare which was a huge adjustment for all of us (Nike included, she definitely misses her little baby). So far daycare (which we refer to as school) has gone really well. Aili is happy when she sees her teachers and  when I pick her up she doesn’t look like she’s been crying a lot and usually is content and playing or napping. We also think that she started teething *face palm*. We thought it was too early, but learned that it is not! She is a chewing, slobbery, drooly, poop making machine right now and we are just waiting for the tooth to pop through.

Breastfeeding has now become pumping 70% of the time because of work. It definitely has been a challenge. My supply took a huge hit by the second week back to work and we had to use a good portion of our freezer stash. I started trying lots of things to increase my supply, including drinking TONS of water or Gatorade/Powerade (the blue, the red all the tricks), power pumping, pumping pals flanges, and finally lactation cookies. I had dipped down to only making 14 ozs between my early morning 5am pump, work pumps and one evening pump and that was just not working for Aili. So we broke into the freezer stash ast least once a day to give her another 6-8 ozs during the day. Our pediatrician also asked us to start giving her some formula in a bottle of breastmilk once a day. She is SUCH an active baby (literally moving whenever she is awake) and they felt like my breastmilk wasn't giving her enough calories even if she drank 20-25 oz/day (which is our guestimate of how much she is drinking between my breastmilk pumped and nursing). I was definitely sad because my supply up to this point had been SO good. I literally joked with my cousin and mom about selling it on the black market of breastmilk (totally a joke but seriously people make some major moolah). Needless to say, I was disappointed. But, the first few weeks of trying to give her that little bit of it, she hated the formula. She could definitely tell the difference even when we mixed only a small amount (1/2 tsp) with breastmilk to give her the extra calories. We tried different kinds, and found only one kind she would tolerate (and I use that word lightly because tolerate is a lenient word). Luckily she finally started taking it when mixed with water as a regular formula bottle Since trying the new tricks to get my supply up, I now maybe make 16-18 ounces a day instead. Not a great increase. So needless to say I won’t keep buying the cookies and such, but I did make some of my own and add the brewers yeast and flax seed meal that I found on Amazon, into smoothies for good measure. Now that a month has gone by, we will see what her weight is doing Monday at her appointment and how she's held up through the crazy changes that have been going on. When people asked me how long I planned to breastfeed, I always told them my goal is to make it to a year. But I would tell my friends, honestly every day longer that I breastfeed is a win in my book. It is WORK y'all. But I truly believe a fed baby is best, whether that is breast milk or formula. I totally get why some people don't want to breastfeed. Honestly for us, we know there are good benefits to breastfeeding, but the money saving is one of the biggest wins in our book which is why I was so set on keeping it up for so long. My goal is really to just keep going and see what happens. If it dries up in the next month or two, that's okay. We've made it this far. If you have any other tips/tricks for supply, let me know!

Mentally, I have really been struggling. This blog is all about honesty and how I feel about things and I want to be honest about this part of motherhood for me as well. Around about six weeks after delivery, I started to experience really bad postpartum anxiety. I would time every single nap and if it was a minute or ten shorter than supposed to be I would panic and think she would never sleep at night. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I would feel incredibly heavy loneliness. After about a week, I called my mom and asked her to come back. She did about a week later. She has been so supportive. It wasn’t that Madi hasn’t been an amazing Dad, he has. It was just a mental roadblock I couldn’t get over and having another set of hands was what we needed. Then I went to Florida and it got better as I was busy and after that my mom came to spend the month and it got better. But once she left, it came back with a vengeance. Fourth of July weekend I was home four days from work and cried every single one of them. For no particular reason. I just wanted my mom. After that I decided to reach out to our pediatrician and ask to see a counselor. Which I will be doing next week. I think that is the best thing I can do for me right now and hopefully will give me some insight on what I can do to get through this time and enjoy the days I have with Aili and not stress about every little thing so much. 

This month we will be traveling to Michigan to see my Grandparents as we do every summer. We are driving, and it’s 14 hours, but we are breaking it up into two days on the way there and on the way back. We have some fun trips coming up and right now we are just trying hard to stay busy to keep my mind off of the PPA. It helps me significantly to surround myself with other people and keep busy. 

Products I love this month:

- any toy with teethers on it! the Itzy Ritzy hand mit teether was a purchase we made when someone suggested it to use and Aili isn’t in LOVE but she does chew on it

- Fisher Price Sit Me Up (Aili’s new favorite at daycare).

Thanks for keeping up with us,

• Olivia :)